an incomplete exchange autobiography
Aug. 17th, 2025 11:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
javertThe poll results are in!!! Two of the options got the most votes so I'm going to do one today and one tomorrow, I guess. You can look at the previous post to see it, but I'll summarize the results in a top 4 anyway:
I realized I forgot to explain what my unfinished Fannish 50 post was LOL, but basically it was a post of 10 fics that had a big (positive, because I don't wanna dwell on negativity) impact on me. My main issue was that I couldn't find 10 fics... I think I was at 7... ish. I suppose 7 is a good enough number though.
So, right now, the plan is: exchanges today, zines tomorrow, kinks the day after, and then maybe I'll at least tell the copycat story since it was the one people seemed most intrigued by. o7
( I don't know how long this will be, kinda scared ngl. I also don't know if it's going to be interesting!!! ETA: The answer is: pretty long, and kinda negative... You've been warned, I guess! )
Closing words, whether you read my rambling or not..! I was working on some little pixel art today... I'd like to make Neopets-style adoptable for Lysandre Labs. This is a very rough WIP but I thought it might be fun to do a Litleo in different "Paintbrush" colors... We'll see how that goes...
As always, I hope whoever is reading this is having a good day, and if not, that it'll get better soon! I'd really like to get out of the house more next week, especially now that I know how to go to the nice park nearby. Maybe I'll even work on my SOD assignment there... I'll depend on the weather, though..! 🌻
- Talk about zines and talk about exchanges got the most votes!
- Talk about kinks came out second place.
- Then my Internet anecdotes came out third place by virtue of getting one extra vote.
- Fourth place is taken up by sunshine_revival and Fannish 50.
I realized I forgot to explain what my unfinished Fannish 50 post was LOL, but basically it was a post of 10 fics that had a big (positive, because I don't wanna dwell on negativity) impact on me. My main issue was that I couldn't find 10 fics... I think I was at 7... ish. I suppose 7 is a good enough number though.
So, right now, the plan is: exchanges today, zines tomorrow, kinks the day after, and then maybe I'll at least tell the copycat story since it was the one people seemed most intrigued by. o7
( I don't know how long this will be, kinda scared ngl. I also don't know if it's going to be interesting!!! ETA: The answer is: pretty long, and kinda negative... You've been warned, I guess! )
Closing words, whether you read my rambling or not..! I was working on some little pixel art today... I'd like to make Neopets-style adoptable for Lysandre Labs. This is a very rough WIP but I thought it might be fun to do a Litleo in different "Paintbrush" colors... We'll see how that goes...
As always, I hope whoever is reading this is having a good day, and if not, that it'll get better soon! I'd really like to get out of the house more next week, especially now that I know how to go to the nice park nearby. Maybe I'll even work on my SOD assignment there... I'll depend on the weather, though..! 🌻
Hiatus: End! (Somewhat)
Aug. 17th, 2025 07:27 pmbedesSo. I feel the need to address my absence.
Initially, my plan was to not post on Dreamwidth until my current pet project was completed. It is a small visual novel, titled "Peony in Bloom", which was planned to release during February for this year's Aro Jam!
As you can tell. It is no longer February. And the game is still not out.
This is a two-person project. I was in charge of the art assets, and my partner was left in charge of the coding. I will be extremely frank: the art assets, and everything else I was in charge of, were 100% completed in time for an end-of-February release. The coding was not. And the coding is still not. It's, of course, hard to not be frustrated, but my partner is disabled, so I can't be too harsh.
I was, at first, stubbornly clinging onto the idea that my next post to Dreamwidth would be the Peony in Bloom devlog. But I've recently given up on that.
A second factor contributing to my absence is that I recently got my first job! I'm a barista at a popular chain coffee place! Which now means I get to feel the full brunt of Capitalism at its finest.
( Continue? )
Initially, my plan was to not post on Dreamwidth until my current pet project was completed. It is a small visual novel, titled "Peony in Bloom", which was planned to release during February for this year's Aro Jam!
As you can tell. It is no longer February. And the game is still not out.
This is a two-person project. I was in charge of the art assets, and my partner was left in charge of the coding. I will be extremely frank: the art assets, and everything else I was in charge of, were 100% completed in time for an end-of-February release. The coding was not. And the coding is still not. It's, of course, hard to not be frustrated, but my partner is disabled, so I can't be too harsh.
I was, at first, stubbornly clinging onto the idea that my next post to Dreamwidth would be the Peony in Bloom devlog. But I've recently given up on that.
A second factor contributing to my absence is that I recently got my first job! I'm a barista at a popular chain coffee place! Which now means I get to feel the full brunt of Capitalism at its finest.
( Continue? )
Takumi/Francis Fic: The Impossibility of Melted Ice Cream
Aug. 16th, 2025 07:59 pmvolkameriaTitle: The Impossibility of Melted Ice Cream
Pairing: Takumi Sumino (Hundred Line)/Francis Farnsworth (Dungeons and Daddies S3)
Rating: Teen (swearing, homophobia, bullying)
Wordcount: ~2300
Notes: I haven't posted any writing in a while! I've had this draft sitting around, and was going to turn it into my IIBB project, but I ended up just completely stuck on where I want to take it - longer form whump is something I struggle with writing, and I think the setup was hard to transition into a more intense piece. However, I still really enjoy the setup as a standalone Takumi/Francis fic, so here it is! As mentioned before, CW for bullying and homophobia.
( Read more... )
Pairing: Takumi Sumino (Hundred Line)/Francis Farnsworth (Dungeons and Daddies S3)
Rating: Teen (swearing, homophobia, bullying)
Wordcount: ~2300
Notes: I haven't posted any writing in a while! I've had this draft sitting around, and was going to turn it into my IIBB project, but I ended up just completely stuck on where I want to take it - longer form whump is something I struggle with writing, and I think the setup was hard to transition into a more intense piece. However, I still really enjoy the setup as a standalone Takumi/Francis fic, so here it is! As mentioned before, CW for bullying and homophobia.
( Read more... )
touching grass
Aug. 16th, 2025 05:32 pmjavertIt was a little less hot today (it was quite nice, actually) so we went out for a bit. It made me realize not only we have a nice, large park ten minutes away, but it's even got water... So maybe there is hope for me getting back into walking and writing outside like I used to do last year. Depending on the weather, I might try to set up a new routine for myself next week, even...
( Some yapping follows... and pics! )
I made the list of things I said I wanted to talk about, and realized that I keep forgetting I can make polls since I have a paid DW account... so I'm making a poll! It's my first time making one, hopefully I don't fuck it up. It's anonymous and should be open to anyone (who's registered on DW) so please vote freely. I may or may not take it into account. (Joking... or am I...)
( Some yapping follows... and pics! )
I made the list of things I said I wanted to talk about, and realized that I keep forgetting I can make polls since I have a paid DW account... so I'm making a poll! It's my first time making one, hopefully I don't fuck it up. It's anonymous and should be open to anyone (who's registered on DW) so please vote freely. I may or may not take it into account. (Joking... or am I...)
Poll #33495 Blaugust Democracy
This poll is closed.
This poll is anonymous.
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 20
This poll is anonymous.
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 20
What should I blaug about next?
View Answers
Do the remaining sunshine_revival challenges
1 (5.0%)
Finish the Fannish 50 post I'd previously started
1 (5.0%)
Talk about my relationship with fandom exchanges
6 (30.0%)
Talk about zines (zines I have, zines I've been in, zines in general)
6 (30.0%)
Talk about kinks (my kink journey, kinks in general)
4 (20.0%)
My Internet anecdote/memories (as mentioned in a previous post)
2 (10.0%)
Finishing touches on Project Fang ( ´ཀ` )
Aug. 16th, 2025 06:18 pmadoreI've finished writing Project Fang. I'm partway through the final edits, and it'll be done in a matter of days. It's also the first book in a duology, which became clearer to me the closer I reached the end 
I was worrying so much about crafting enough plot to sustain a novel that I overshot by quite a lot 
I'm happy with the arc of the first book though, it stands pretty well on its own.
The closer I come to putting it out in the world, the more mixed up my feelings become. I enjoy this book immensely, it has much of what I like in it. But I'm not feeling that heady elation I got when I finished my previous books. What I'm feeling is more akin to post-book blues. I'm trying to understand why I feel closer to depressed this time. I mean, in general this process has felt empowering. I thought I couldn't write after all the stuff I'd been through, and it turned out I could. Also, after being offered my dream job and that offer being retracted before I could take it, here I was, giving myself my dream job. Nobody can take it from me because nobody can stop me writing and publishing my next book. Here's something that's truly mine and that nobody can take away from me. I should be overjoyed, no?
I want to get to the bottom of this but I don't know how. Have you experienced anything similar? Would appreciate any lights that can be shed here.
I guess I haven't felt very excited about books in general because of certain bad experiences, but I have had good experiences too, have also met good people and had a lot of help from fellow writers. I've asked myself over the past few days whether I truly still love books or whether I'm just hanging on to them because I haven't been able to fall in love with anything else the way I did with books as a child. But I know I do love them! I just haven't felt it that often lately. I thought becoming part of the indie space would help me feel it more often and it does help. It's been helping me all this time! It's like the sole reason I didn't relapse into depression. It's just now, that it's feeling... like this.
I have messaged my therapist, but I have not managed to get a slot with her for months because of work (last time I talked to her was March). I hope I can wrangle a session with her soon, but I can't count on it. Maybe I should bring this up somewhere on the indie author discord I'm in. I don't know. I'm just so confused.
Maybe this is just PMS, y'all. Maybe? //crosses fingers, toes and eyes
Maybe it's going to find a new way to make me question everything every month, or something. I don't know. At least that would be an explanation. Right now I'm just unable to figure out what's underlying this.
I was worrying so much about crafting enough plot to sustain a novel that I overshot by quite a lot I'm happy with the arc of the first book though, it stands pretty well on its own.The closer I come to putting it out in the world, the more mixed up my feelings become. I enjoy this book immensely, it has much of what I like in it. But I'm not feeling that heady elation I got when I finished my previous books. What I'm feeling is more akin to post-book blues. I'm trying to understand why I feel closer to depressed this time. I mean, in general this process has felt empowering. I thought I couldn't write after all the stuff I'd been through, and it turned out I could. Also, after being offered my dream job and that offer being retracted before I could take it, here I was, giving myself my dream job. Nobody can take it from me because nobody can stop me writing and publishing my next book. Here's something that's truly mine and that nobody can take away from me. I should be overjoyed, no?
I want to get to the bottom of this but I don't know how. Have you experienced anything similar? Would appreciate any lights that can be shed here.
I guess I haven't felt very excited about books in general because of certain bad experiences, but I have had good experiences too, have also met good people and had a lot of help from fellow writers. I've asked myself over the past few days whether I truly still love books or whether I'm just hanging on to them because I haven't been able to fall in love with anything else the way I did with books as a child. But I know I do love them! I just haven't felt it that often lately. I thought becoming part of the indie space would help me feel it more often and it does help. It's been helping me all this time! It's like the sole reason I didn't relapse into depression. It's just now, that it's feeling... like this.I have messaged my therapist, but I have not managed to get a slot with her for months because of work (last time I talked to her was March). I hope I can wrangle a session with her soon, but I can't count on it. Maybe I should bring this up somewhere on the indie author discord I'm in. I don't know. I'm just so confused.
Maybe this is just PMS, y'all. Maybe? //crosses fingers, toes and eyes
Maybe it's going to find a new way to make me question everything every month, or something. I don't know. At least that would be an explanation. Right now I'm just unable to figure out what's underlying this.
50 aggretsuko icons!!!
Aug. 15th, 2025 11:50 pmjavertWe're watching Aggretsuko right now because Noah has never seen it and we paid for Netflix to watch ASOUE, so might as well use it while we still have it. It's my third time seeing season 1-3 and will be my second time seeing season 4-5. Actually, my last rewatch (and first watch of 4-5) was earlier this year a little after we moved lol. We watched so much furry stuff with my bf while Noah was away... I kind of want to try to convince Noah to watch ODD TAXI too because it's so good...
(AHHH, I SHOULD HAVE NOMINATED ODD TAXI FOR FIAB... Oh well... Next year...)
( Mix of characters from season 1 to 3, only ones I like (so no Haida) )
I also wanted to make that list of the stuff I said I'd talk about today but now it's so late I don't feel like it anymore. Tomorrow. It's hot and I spent the whole day feeling bad because of it. We played cards and started a puzzle though, which was nice.
(AHHH, I SHOULD HAVE NOMINATED ODD TAXI FOR FIAB... Oh well... Next year...)
( Mix of characters from season 1 to 3, only ones I like (so no Haida) )
I also wanted to make that list of the stuff I said I'd talk about today but now it's so late I don't feel like it anymore. Tomorrow. It's hot and I spent the whole day feeling bad because of it. We played cards and started a puzzle though, which was nice.
i forgor to put a title
Aug. 14th, 2025 11:24 pmjavertI feel like there was something I wanted to blog about today, but I completely forgot what it was... A likely story. I fear the heat is very quickly melting all of my remaining braincells, of which I suspect there are not many. So, you know what, let's get experimental tonight. I'm doing this stream of consciousness style.
( I genuinely have no idea what you're going to be in for right now. Stay tuned. ETA: It's mostly rambling! Surprise! )
In other news... Here's an icon I originally made for![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
iconthat but because it was technically past the deadline I didn't end up posting it to the comm, oop:
I miss making icons... I really do just feel like making little things lately. I'm hoping to try to draw something bigger tomorrow, though. (This makes it sound like I'm about to decorate the Sixtine Chapel or whatever, but no, it's just that 99% of what I've been working on lately hasn't been larger than 250px until I sized it up for better viewing!!!)
Before you go, check out this art of myself I did for my personal website layout that I really like:
( I genuinely have no idea what you're going to be in for right now. Stay tuned. ETA: It's mostly rambling! Surprise! )
In other news... Here's an icon I originally made for
iconthat but because it was technically past the deadline I didn't end up posting it to the comm, oop:I miss making icons... I really do just feel like making little things lately. I'm hoping to try to draw something bigger tomorrow, though. (This makes it sound like I'm about to decorate the Sixtine Chapel or whatever, but no, it's just that 99% of what I've been working on lately hasn't been larger than 250px until I sized it up for better viewing!!!)
Before you go, check out this art of myself I did for my personal website layout that I really like:
miniblog
Aug. 13th, 2025 10:21 pmjavertGoing to be a very short & to the point blaug paust today, because the weather is really fucking me up and I don't have enough braincells lmao. So here's the quick rundown:
Or if it's not that hot where you're at, please keep us in your thoughts as we suffer... 😢
- Wplace has been working again with no server issues today, so, with Noah's help, I was able to finish Eusine!!! Yippee!!
I don't know what my next project is going to be... Someone at the town nearby is drawing a bunch of Pokéball sprites so maybe I'll do more Pokémon stuff there lol. I also kinda wanna draw stuff where I used to live... - My Pokémon Starters clique is officially released! Technically my fanlistings collective is also (I added it to my index/nexus, even) because I finally finished copying over my fanlistings, cliques, etc, but I still need to sign up for everything I selected, lol. Maybe I'll actually be able to sign up at TFL this week after all!
- I remembered to sign up for the hAPPy birthday flash exchange on the very last day, and I'm glad I did, because not only have I already finished my assigment, I already have a gift... 👀 Very excited to see it...
Or if it's not that hot where you're at, please keep us in your thoughts as we suffer... 😢
暑い...
Aug. 12th, 2025 04:26 pmjavertThe heatwave is Hitting and I don't feel like doing anything... That I'm even able to sit at my computer is already a miracle ngl. Although in fairness the main reason why I don't just stay in bed all day is because we only have one fan and we only put it in the bedroom at night lmao.
Even my social energy is sapped... Sorry if I take a while to get back to you/reply to comments, I promise I have them saved so I remember to do it once I'm less desiccated. Wplace has been struggling so I don't even get emotional support from drawing my little pixels onto the world 😔 I started copying the big intro pixel art of Eusine from HGSS and I can't even finish it... Tragic...
That's as far as I've gotten right now... Someone else drew the heart when the servers were back up earlier today..!!
To appease my pixel desires, I ended up drawing some pixel art fanart for one of Japanese mutuals I just found on Bluesky again a few days ago!! His username is ZXX and he has gijinka OCs based on car manufacturers... Of course, predictably, my favorites are the French brands lmao. I had a really big phase back in 2017 when I drew a lot of fanart (including a comic!!) and shipped Peugeot/Citroën (NO RIBA!!!) really hard. I'm speaking in the past tense but honestly I still ship them LOL. They have that smug & rat-like top x stern & tsundere bottom dynamic... You know...
I made the art extra big to ensure Bluesky wouldn't absolutely destroy it, but I can post it at the "normal" size here (which is already sized up):
From left to right: Citroën (my meow meow... my car blorbo...) Peugeot & Renault!! Fun fact: every car logo I can recognize rn I owe to car brand yaoi. This is the only reason I've ever been able to memorize that shit.
I actually own two of ZXX's doujins and a couple of prints, that I purchased back then... I'd love to get more at some point. Owning zines & comics made by people I know is so fun. I should talk about zine stuff at some point this month... I don't really have the juice to plan posts right now @_@ but hopefully soon..!
Ah, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that signups forpokepodproject are open! If you like Pokémon and you'd be up to write or podfic at least one ficlet, you should definitely sign up! We have a limited number of participants this year and we've already gotten a lot of applications. Though even if you miss it, I'm sure there'll be leftover pokémons or pinch-hits to adopt at some point.
In webdev news, I think I'm more than half-way done setting up my fanlisting stuff at this point... I don't know if I'll be done this week LOL but maybe. I Want To Believe. 🤞
Even my social energy is sapped... Sorry if I take a while to get back to you/reply to comments, I promise I have them saved so I remember to do it once I'm less desiccated. Wplace has been struggling so I don't even get emotional support from drawing my little pixels onto the world 😔 I started copying the big intro pixel art of Eusine from HGSS and I can't even finish it... Tragic...
That's as far as I've gotten right now... Someone else drew the heart when the servers were back up earlier today..!!
To appease my pixel desires, I ended up drawing some pixel art fanart for one of Japanese mutuals I just found on Bluesky again a few days ago!! His username is ZXX and he has gijinka OCs based on car manufacturers... Of course, predictably, my favorites are the French brands lmao. I had a really big phase back in 2017 when I drew a lot of fanart (including a comic!!) and shipped Peugeot/Citroën (NO RIBA!!!) really hard. I'm speaking in the past tense but honestly I still ship them LOL. They have that smug & rat-like top x stern & tsundere bottom dynamic... You know...
I made the art extra big to ensure Bluesky wouldn't absolutely destroy it, but I can post it at the "normal" size here (which is already sized up):
From left to right: Citroën (my meow meow... my car blorbo...) Peugeot & Renault!! Fun fact: every car logo I can recognize rn I owe to car brand yaoi. This is the only reason I've ever been able to memorize that shit.
I actually own two of ZXX's doujins and a couple of prints, that I purchased back then... I'd love to get more at some point. Owning zines & comics made by people I know is so fun. I should talk about zine stuff at some point this month... I don't really have the juice to plan posts right now @_@ but hopefully soon..!
Ah, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that signups for
pokepodproject are open! If you like Pokémon and you'd be up to write or podfic at least one ficlet, you should definitely sign up! We have a limited number of participants this year and we've already gotten a lot of applications. Though even if you miss it, I'm sure there'll be leftover pokémons or pinch-hits to adopt at some point.In webdev news, I think I'm more than half-way done setting up my fanlisting stuff at this point... I don't know if I'll be done this week LOL but maybe. I Want To Believe. 🤞
Another platform falls (for the nth time)...
Aug. 11th, 2025 04:29 pmeff_ess_oeSo YouTube announced they're gonna be pulling some bullshit. Basically, they're gonna comb through people's watch history and use an AI to guess if they're underage, and hit people they deem "underage" with a bunch of restrictions. And the only way to correct the algorithm is to either upload ID, credit card info, or a picture of your face. All of which have MASSIVE privacy issues associated with them.
I cannot imagine this going well at all. I figure a decent amount of people are going to get falsely hit with the underage restrictions just because they have interests in adulthood that aren't taxes and war history or whatever the hell normie adults watch. And I don't know if the backlash will be enough to set YouTube on the right path again. (Although then again, they haven't been on the "right path" for a hot fuckin minute. Not since Google bought them out in '13 or whatever.)
- Odysee/Bitchute/etc.: full of alt-right whackjobs
- NicoNico/Bilibili/etc.: language barrier, feeling like I'm "invading" spaces intended for people whose native language isn't English
- Glomble: the most "tolerable" option I've seen so far, but I just don't like the vibe. Feels too much like most of the people on there would skin me alive for looking at certain pairings the "wrong" way.
- PeerTube: another "tolerable" option, but I don't know if there's any fandom-specific instances, and I don't really wanna go off-brand for pre-existing instances
IDK, man. I figure if I get minor-coded (pun semi-intended) by the YouTube age verification AI, I'm gonna upload my jinrikis to NicoNico and everything else to Vimeo, Glomble, or PeerTube. But if not, then I might stay there? Idk. If I do stay, I'm probably just gonna put all my shit on unlisted so only you guys can have access to it. We'll just have to see how shit goes.
I cannot imagine this going well at all. I figure a decent amount of people are going to get falsely hit with the underage restrictions just because they have interests in adulthood that aren't taxes and war history or whatever the hell normie adults watch. And I don't know if the backlash will be enough to set YouTube on the right path again. (Although then again, they haven't been on the "right path" for a hot fuckin minute. Not since Google bought them out in '13 or whatever.)
So as a result of all this bullshit, I'm once again considering YT alternatives for when I upload fannish video material. However, all of them have some sort of barrier keeping me from joining:
- Vimeo/Dailymotion/etc.: nobody seems to upload the type of stuff i actually watch on YouTube; it's mostly independent film material that I don't really watch- Odysee/Bitchute/etc.: full of alt-right whackjobs
- NicoNico/Bilibili/etc.: language barrier, feeling like I'm "invading" spaces intended for people whose native language isn't English
- Glomble: the most "tolerable" option I've seen so far, but I just don't like the vibe. Feels too much like most of the people on there would skin me alive for looking at certain pairings the "wrong" way.
- PeerTube: another "tolerable" option, but I don't know if there's any fandom-specific instances, and I don't really wanna go off-brand for pre-existing instances
IDK, man. I figure if I get minor-coded (pun semi-intended) by the YouTube age verification AI, I'm gonna upload my jinrikis to NicoNico and everything else to Vimeo, Glomble, or PeerTube. But if not, then I might stay there? Idk. If I do stay, I'm probably just gonna put all my shit on unlisted so only you guys can have access to it. We'll just have to see how shit goes.
